Let's try this.. again!

It has been quite a long time, over an entire year in fact, since I have last "blogged". With much consideration, and prompting by a few friends, I have decided to try this.. again!

The last year and a half that I have been absent from the blog-o-sphere was probably one of the toughest times in my life and in our marriage, circumstantially speaking. Before I start with re-living that journey, I will take a moment to proudly and very excitedly announce that Greg and I are expecting TWINS this coming summer!! We are overjoyed about the two growing babes in my womb. Honestly, over joyed probably doesn't quite capture it quite perfectly- but it'll do!

I am currently four months pregnant and again today we had the blessing of seeing our sweet babes on ultrasound. Since I am a mom-to-be of twins we see our OBGYN much more frequently, which I consider to be quite the treat! Yet as I reflect on being pregnant, and the sheer joy that brings, I can not forget our journey to this point.

We, like many couples, had conversations about when to start "trying" for a family. We were excited, nervous, and a little scared! But according to my mom, that was perfectly normal. If any of you knew me when I was a little tyke, with dark brown hair, freckles, and eyes almost too big for my face- then you know my desire to be a mom started then. When I "grew up" I dreamed of being a mom. One hopefully half as good as the mom God gave to me.

What Greg and I could not see coming, and looking back was probably God's grace on us, was that we were entering the darkest time of our marriage to date. It can be summed up in one, awful, and earth shattering word: INFERTILITY. If you have never experienced infertility, I pray that you never will. It truly is lonely, confusing, and heart wrenching to know that you and your spouse are having difficulty with having a family- to whatever degree that may be. 

Our story is long and multi faceted. It is full of tears and cries out to the Lord. I can, and would love to share all the details with anyone who is interested. For a long time, I did not want to write about infertility. I did not want the world to know our "label" or the "problems" we were having. I did not want to complain or cry out to the inner-webs for attention. And, I still do not. Yes, Greg and I struggled with infertility and it is an experience neither of us would have signed up for. But I can say I would not change a thing. God knew our story from the beginning, was ever so faithful, gave me an incredible man to walk through the darkness with, and has decided to give us a double-blessing of babies!

The best part of our story is not simply that I am pregnant, it is God's goodness. It is easy to say He is good now; now that I get butterflies in my tummy late at night as the babies move, now that my stomach is starting to grow, and now that I can finally think of nursery themes without bursting into tears. But, He is not only good now. He always has been and always will be. I thank Him daily for the precious lives he has entrusted to us. And I pray that they will know how loved they are, not only by me (and many others) but ultimately by the Lord. The same Lord that showed us grace and is allowing us to become parents.

I know there may be many questions about our story, or more of the details. I am not hesitant to share with those who are curious but could have written a novel if I put them all here! And if you are experiencing infertility- please, please feel free to contact me. I know how much it hurts and I'd love to be a listening heart.

Love, Amanda (the proud mama-to-be!!)