Twin talk!

Having twins is the greatest. Well, most days that is. And I am pretty sure I could write a novel about my experience with twins and talk "shop" forever with fellow MOM's (mothers of multiples). Having multiples is such a unique experience! Here are some reasons why I love having twins:

1. There are two! I have been stopped SO many times with the twins. In fact, being stopped started when I was pregnant. Everyone thought I was "about to pop", even though I had lots of time left.

I still had a month left in this photo! But there is something mysterious and down right C-U-T-E about doubles of pretty much everything.

2. They have to share! Greg and I have always said that we think it is such a great thing that our girls will have always had the experience of sharing and that life was never all about them. Sharing is and has always been part of their life.

3. They are forever sisters! As the girls grow it is super sweet to see them interact. They play together, hug each other, and get beyond excited to see one another after nap time (for now they nap separate). They learn from each other, challenge one another and giggle like crazy together. I am beyond grateful that they will always have one another in life. Their bond is just beginning!

And for fun here are the not-so-great things about having twins:

1. There are two! And that means two of this:

AT THE SAME TIME.

2. They have to share! Harper had to wear a helmet to help correct the shape of her head because she had to share room in the womb (and there was only so much space in there)! And just because our girls are twins does NOT mean they share well. 

For the record, I do NOT blame Olivia for Harper having to wear a helmet (nor was it a bad experience for Harper at all). Just demonstrating that sharing is not always easy.

3. They are forever sisters! They fight, bite, push and scream. (Why do little girls scream so loud?!). And all these not-so-fun moments started really young. They even pull each others head bands:

With all kidding aside I truly would not trade having twins for anything. There are moments where having a singleton (thats what MOM's call having just one baby at a time) seems nice and even desirable. Yet when I get piled on by two sweet and snuggly babies I know I was meant to have two. At the same time.

"Enjoy every moment"

I LOVE being a mom. I really, truly do. My heart beats for my daughters and I would do anything to keep them safe. There are so many aspects about motherhood that I adore. Moments that I melt over their cuteness. But there is one phrase I hear over and over and over: "Enjoy every moment, it goes by so fast". And here is the truth- that is not my favorite sentiment.

About 90% of the time I hear it from moms that are much further ahead in the mommy-journey than I. Even more commonly it is nostalgically said from moms who are facing a high school graduation, marriage or those who have had the privilege to become grandmothers. 

In reality? I do not enjoy every moment about being a mom. Two newborns crying at 2 am, endless dirty diapers, and (most recently) two tantrum toddlers is not ideal. It is hard! I found myself over the last almost year and a half growing increasingly annoyed with this phrase. Until my girls' first birthday arrived. Even though I had been planning their party since before they were born (I have type-A, over planning issues) it still caught me off guard. I was going through photos of their first year and I was overwhelmed with emotion. Where did my newborns go and how did it go so quickly?! I had the deepest longing for them to be teeny-tiny all over again.

So that is when I realized the phrase "enjoy every moment, it goes by so fast" really means "I can't believe my babies are all grown up. I remember the late night snuggles, the cooing, the endless list of firsts, the joyous sound of baby laughter, and the smell of a freshly bathed babe. What I would give to spend one day back with them being little again. Where did the time go?" 

There are certainly moments where I want time to stand still, to stop in its tracks. I'm not ready to send my twins off to school, to hear about boyfriends, or even drive away from the college drop off. And yet, I know it will be here someday. And when that day arrives I know I will look back with  nostalgia on their little days. The days where it seemed like the hours would never pass until daddy came home. The days where my lap was never big enough. And I am sure I will wish I had a few more moments with my blue eyed, too cute for words, joy-filled toddlers.

For now I will slow down and try to enjoy most moments.  

Insta-perfect

Today I had the joy of visiting with a dear friend of mine and her one year old daughter. We have known each other since early pregnancy and our daughters were born just three weeks apart. The girls had a great time playing and we enjoyed some always-needed mommy time. It was good for my soul!

Before she left we decided to seize a rare moment of post-nap sleepy toddlers who were fixated on the movie Frozen. So, we pulled out our phones and snapped a few photos. We were confident we got a few good ones (how could we not with such cute subjects?!).

After all our goodbyes and with my twins in bed I turned to Instagram to unwind. I decided I wanted to post a picture of all three girls and was already thinking of something cute to write for my "photo description". As I flipped through the photos though I had a moment of disappointment. In every single picture my girls were either drinking their post-nap bottle or sucking on their post-nap pacifier! I debated on which one would be better to post. The inner dialogue went something like this:

"Seriously? Every photo? Well, there was the one photo where I took the bottles away and before they popped their pacifiers in. Oh no, Harper is screaming her head off in that one. That won't do. Well, I could use the bottle one and think of something witty to say about a snack date with friends... or that it isn't fun to drink alone. No, I don't want people to know that my girls still drink out of a bottle. Ok, I'll do the pacifier one. Wait, no. I am a dental hygienist! And the last few photos I have posted the girls have had a pacifier in. People will think I let my girls have pacifiers all the time.. That won't do either!"

After all that, you know what I decided to do? Not post a photo. Not a single one! I closed the app and moved on. Then conviction hit, and it hit hard. In reality I value authenticity, being genuine with others, and open. Becoming a mom has changed how I view other moms, I am so much more understanding of "doing what works in the moment". I try desperately to be fully accepting of my friends and how they may parent differently. Hopefully if you are a friend of mine you experience this. I try not to paint a picture that life is all roses and raising twins is a cake walk, because it is not. I open up to others and do my best to share my true feelings. And in turn, I appreciate it when others feel safe enough to be real with me.

So then, why wouldn't I post a picture of three sweet girls?  Three precious babies that have been prayed for since before they were embryos. Three life-long friends in the making snuggling up on a couch. Because I was embarrassed, worried about what others would think. Afraid I would be judged. So I chose to be un-authentic and to portray my life as "insta-perfect."

Here it is. The real truth: Yes, my kids drink out of a bottle. Yes, they have pacifiers. And yes, my kids watch Frozen. And you know what? It is okay.  It is okay because I am doing my best at raising two sixteen month old girls, and with God's help I am doing a good job. It is okay because there are two of them and only one of me. And it is okay because those same two pacifier and bottle loving little girls are fiercely loved, cherished and valued. So, I will go post that picture. Right now!