Insta-perfect

Today I had the joy of visiting with a dear friend of mine and her one year old daughter. We have known each other since early pregnancy and our daughters were born just three weeks apart. The girls had a great time playing and we enjoyed some always-needed mommy time. It was good for my soul!

Before she left we decided to seize a rare moment of post-nap sleepy toddlers who were fixated on the movie Frozen. So, we pulled out our phones and snapped a few photos. We were confident we got a few good ones (how could we not with such cute subjects?!).

After all our goodbyes and with my twins in bed I turned to Instagram to unwind. I decided I wanted to post a picture of all three girls and was already thinking of something cute to write for my "photo description". As I flipped through the photos though I had a moment of disappointment. In every single picture my girls were either drinking their post-nap bottle or sucking on their post-nap pacifier! I debated on which one would be better to post. The inner dialogue went something like this:

"Seriously? Every photo? Well, there was the one photo where I took the bottles away and before they popped their pacifiers in. Oh no, Harper is screaming her head off in that one. That won't do. Well, I could use the bottle one and think of something witty to say about a snack date with friends... or that it isn't fun to drink alone. No, I don't want people to know that my girls still drink out of a bottle. Ok, I'll do the pacifier one. Wait, no. I am a dental hygienist! And the last few photos I have posted the girls have had a pacifier in. People will think I let my girls have pacifiers all the time.. That won't do either!"

After all that, you know what I decided to do? Not post a photo. Not a single one! I closed the app and moved on. Then conviction hit, and it hit hard. In reality I value authenticity, being genuine with others, and open. Becoming a mom has changed how I view other moms, I am so much more understanding of "doing what works in the moment". I try desperately to be fully accepting of my friends and how they may parent differently. Hopefully if you are a friend of mine you experience this. I try not to paint a picture that life is all roses and raising twins is a cake walk, because it is not. I open up to others and do my best to share my true feelings. And in turn, I appreciate it when others feel safe enough to be real with me.

So then, why wouldn't I post a picture of three sweet girls?  Three precious babies that have been prayed for since before they were embryos. Three life-long friends in the making snuggling up on a couch. Because I was embarrassed, worried about what others would think. Afraid I would be judged. So I chose to be un-authentic and to portray my life as "insta-perfect."

Here it is. The real truth: Yes, my kids drink out of a bottle. Yes, they have pacifiers. And yes, my kids watch Frozen. And you know what? It is okay.  It is okay because I am doing my best at raising two sixteen month old girls, and with God's help I am doing a good job. It is okay because there are two of them and only one of me. And it is okay because those same two pacifier and bottle loving little girls are fiercely loved, cherished and valued. So, I will go post that picture. Right now!